So here we are, year 2 sans Hope. I faked it, made a much better effort than last year...but really it wasn't any better, it wasn't any easier. It was a good day covered in a layer of Hope should have been heres. It is I guess how they say it is, finding the ability to put it somewhere. Where? Oh who the hell cares? The world keeps on spinning... Like it or not. Finding the depth of Gratitude for life , that I once had, seems highly unlikely. I'm grateful for Patti's good prognosis, grateful for JD being home...grateful for family and friends. It's the depth of the loss though that makes this gratitude harder to proclaim. Whoo hoo I'm blessed with yada yada yada...but oh yeah my daughter is dead. Bubble burst, reality present.
I just can't say Happy Thanksgiving. I'm grateful (kind of) but not happy.
AWHIMH
I was thinking of you and your family. We stayed home, alone. Not sure if that was a good idea or not. It was a hard icky day. Tried to make the best of it...like you said, you fake it. Felt like I had to be there for Chlo-bug. It's hard enough trying to get through these first holidays without our Aubrey, but it appears that they don't get much easier from the experience I gather from others who have lost children. The whole thing sucks. "Happy" Thanksgiving...."Merry" Christmas...they are painfully and forever changed.
ReplyDeleteHolding you in my heart
~Brenda B
In a strange way I actually feel like I get 'it'. I am annoyed how many people have no clue the pain some are going through during any holiday season. Hugs, sweet friend!!!
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